Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Hellen Back's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, February 5th, 2009
7:51 am	And so the days drag on... As you might imagine, the last few days have been a real emotional rollercoaster. Sometimes, edwardcoli and I manage to immerse ourselves in work or other menial tasks to the point of pushing the grief down and behaving like normal people. Other times, especially when we're in the privacy of our own home, we just have to give in and let the sadness wash over us...sometimes it feels like we're drowning in it. I find it odd, how doing things like looking at pictures of Al can make us happy, but just talking about him quickly reduces us to tears; the radio at work insists on testing my strength. (Why is it that stupid, schmaltzy songs that you've never liked anyway suddenly seem "meaningful" when you're down?) We're not sure how Zooey is adjusting. She was always friendly, but these days she seems to be spending more time with us. She seems to be eating and sleeping normally, but yesterday EC thought she was mewing in a way that may have suggested loneliness or confusion. She doesn't know what it's like to be the only kitty in the house and she and Al were often found napping or resting with one another, especially in these last few months. We know we want to rescue another cat eventually, but I know that such a move is not in our immediate future. I -- well, we -- need to grieve and fully adjust to the loss. We don't want to jump the gun and bring in a new friend who will be wonderful, but underappreciated because he's not Al. I guess we just have to stick with the process of slogging through the days until we reach that one day where we don't cry when we think of him and how we'll never see him again. In the meantime, I'd like to argue that in the current situation, the following expression is untrue: tempis fugit, memento mori. When you're really remembering death, not contemplating it in the abstract, time does not fly. The days seem disproportionately long. Current Mood: sad (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, September 13th, 2008
4:44 pm	*Exhales loudly* I think I may have just fixed one of the problems that was holding up my progress on my thesis. It all started last week when I was having a hard time tying up the loose ends on a subsection. When I decided to re-trace my steps, I saw that while the middle of the section was just as it needed to be, the way by which I arrived at that point was all wrong. In fact, if I had followed things through, I would have been forced to write a conclusion that would shoot everything else I'd written straight to hell. But, after much hair pulling and freaking out, I think I managed to salvage the good stuff and get to where I need to be. Now, all I have to do is write one more subsection and I'll be halfway done with the second chapter. However, the next step will be to move on to the first half of the last chapter. I *still* haven't set up a meeting with my Milton expert, so I can't work on anything on that front. Other than school related stuff, I'm sorry that I missed seeing a bunch of you last night. I had to go home and take care of both Al and myself. While staying home because you feel like crap is not fun, I'm glad I did, because I feel better; not 100%, but well enough to go about my low-impact business. I think if I lay low for the rest of the week I'll be ready to lose my voice on purpose cheering on Foxie Renard at the PRD finals! Current Mood: okay (Comment on this)
Monday, August 4th, 2008
4:15 pm	Randomness * Less than one week to go before the big party! Whee! I am looking forward to celebrating the next stage of my life with (most) of my favorite people. I am also looking forward to wearing my snaptastic new dress, which my mother will hate because I bought it from a vintage store. Oh well, that dress is one shiny MoFo, and I am going to enjoy wearing it. * Never, ever eat one of the new banana split oreos. Someone left a bag at work, and let me tell you, they are freakin' scary. The filling is nuclear accident yellow, and gives off a weird, perfume factory version of banana scent. Once I got a whiff, I couldn't even bring myself to try a bite, so I scraped out all of the cream and just ate the wafers (which are the best part anyway). * Crafty night was super fun; Thanks straycatz! Perhaps after I finish this knitting project I'll give crocheting another (more serious) shot. *My thesis advisor has canceled yet another meeting, and I'm less than thrilled. She bailed on our last meeting at the last possible minute and then she was out of town for two weeks. Although I've been trying to do as much as I can over the last month, I could use a little guidance. And I'm getting anxious over how much time has been lost; I've got to finish this thing by December or no degree for me! * Can someone please tell me how it is possible for the summer to be going by so fast?I know I say this every year around this time, but come on, I can already tell that it's starting to get dark at a slightly earlier time! *Oh yeah...many congratulations to bouton and Evan. I can't wait to see picture of Bean! (I know she has a "real" name now, but I kinda like the nickname.) *If you have not seen the movie "Stranger Than Fiction," you must fill in this void in your entertainment life. ,edwardcoli and I rented it last night and we both loved it. I don't want to give anything away, but I am willing to say that it is a surprisingly serious movie for a Will Ferrell vehicle. Also, if you like to write, read, or think about the creativity process then give this one a whirl; bonus points too, for great visual design! *You know how LJ puts ads based on your interests alongside your screen if you have a plus account? Could someone please explain why the ad I'm currently seeing is for the official website that celebrates 25 years of Tom Cruise's career? He's not a terrible actor, in fact, sometimes, I'm quite pleased with him (see: "Magnolia" and "Interview with the Vampire"). But...there is nothing on my LJ page that remotely suggests that I love Mr. Cruise. Uh oh...I think Xenu's PR reps are out to get me... ;-) Current Mood: good (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 31st, 2007
5:49 pm	Darlin' don't you go and cut your hair... That's what most people have said to me when I brought up the topic of changing my hair-style in a post-wedding world. But, I have ignored the voice of the masses, and underwent a minor shearing today. To be honest, my hair really isn't all that different. It's still on the long-ish side (it's collarbone length and I can still tie it up) and I still have choppy layers. The major difference is that it now has a cleaner shape;come to think of it, it looks a bit like a long version of the angled bob I had years ago. If I had been in a bolder mood, I would have gone much shorter, something like the style Katie Holmes is currently sporting. However, she has a team of Xenu approved stylists to follow her around and make her look fab. (Plus, she has the face for a cut like that and I do not.) So not short 'do for me -- at least not yet! In the meantime, I'm contemplating highlights. Nothing too dramatic, as I don't want my color to be lighter -- just richer. I'm thinking something caramel-y or reddish. Whaddaya think? Current Mood: hot (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 21st, 2007
4:16 pm	The following passage is a verbatim reproduction of a portion of the "Fine Watch Protection Plan" offered by the Zales Corporation. According to the brochure, this plan does not cover "...the elements or acts of God. (5) War, invasion or act of foreign enemy, hostilities,civil war,rebellion,riot, strike,labor disturbance,lockout or civil commotion." Uh...If any of the previously scenaria are taking place, are you really that concerned about your watch? Shouldn't you be more concerned with other things? I know that the company has to say all of this crap to cover their ass(ets), but I can't help but feel that this is a bit over-the-top. :-p *P.S. On a totally unrelated note, I did a trial run of my wedding hairstyle today and it looks faboo, if I do say so myself. Seriously, my hair looks too good to be mine. After next week, every subsequent attempt to spruce myself up will be greeted with crestfallen faces and half-hearted choruses of "Oh...you look...nice." (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 19th, 2007
4:02 pm	Welcome to awkwardsville. Population: one. I arrived on the BSC campus early this afternoon only to start my scholastic day with a most unpleasant run-in. I had just gotten out of my car when I ran into my EN 500 professor. She said hello and asked where I was going. I told her that I had an appointment at three, and would then head over to my Lit. of the Middle Ages class. Upon hearing that information, she launched into a tirade about how my class isn't being properly taught, that there's no real scholarship involved in the class, that my prof. only got the job because of the union, yada, yada, yada. As you can imagine, all of this made me very uncomfortable. I rather like my professor, and I think that I am learning quite a lot. He has high expectations for us, and does not allow us to slack off. And I think that he is quite knowledgeable in this subject area, even though his specialty is Renaissance lit. So I just smiled and nodded, and mumbled something about being sorry that she was displeased with the current circumstances. I think I handled things well, but because this woman is so vain I felt like I was being tested, or that she somehow wanted me to come out and tell her how much I hated my class. *Sigh*...I just have to keep telling myself that in a few weeks I will have this crazy woman out of my life. Current Mood: uncomfortable (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 14th, 2007
12:49 pm	My candle burns at both ends, It will not last the night. But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends - It gives a lovely light. Edna St. Vincent Millay, "A Few Figs from Thistles," 1920. Current Mood: stressed (Comment on this)
Monday, February 12th, 2007
2:27 pm	Happy Birthday potionsmistress! Keep an eye on your mailbox for late-coming birthday goodies. (Comment on this)
2:25 pm	Today is a landmark day. I got my first official rejection notice today. To be honest, I'm really not that disappointed. I didn't expect to be selected, and was really submitting just to get experience. But if you're curious, here's what they had to say: Dear Ms. XYZ, I am sorry to report that we are unable to publish the essay you submitted. Let me say that we found your work on elements of oral tradition in the texts of Native American writers very interesting indeed, but we had an unexpectedly high number of off-campus submissions and space for at most three of these essays, or roughly 10% of the submissions. We were obliged to be no less selective than PMLA. Thank you for your interest in the Shawangunk Review. Sincerely, XYZ Co-editor, Shawangunk Review Current Mood: blah (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 8th, 2007
2:48 pm	it sucks to be poor Well kids, it looks like my massive annotated bibliography has hit yet another snag. I just finished filing a bunch of ILL requests for book chapters, and my inbox is quickly filling with responses stating that I can indeed have the chapters I've requested -- if I'm willing to pay between $10-20 a pop. (I suspect that there's a fee because these books were published outside of the US.) If all of the chapters have a price, then I'm looking at a potential $100-200 price tag. And that's only if all my other requests can be filled for free. I'm going to talk to my prof. about this on Monday. She told us that if fees became a problem, to talk to her and see if the texts in question can be excluded.I don't think I have a choice, since I don't have that kind of cash to throw around. Current Mood: depressed (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 17th, 2007
11:38 am	Reason # 333 why edwardcoli is a swell guy: he just nabbed me a BSC faculty parking sticker for my car. Now I'll be able to park almost anywhere I want, any time I want. Indeed, it really is the little things that make life sweet. Current Mood: cheerful (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 11th, 2007
8:00 pm	Let them eat cake No, really. You can eat the cake because I am sick of eating cake. Heck, I don't even really want to look at cake right now. After two days and three wedding cake consultations I am all caked out. (I suppose that there really can be too much of a good thing!) The upside of my current buttercream saturated state is that edwardcoli and I have decided on where we're getting our wedding cake from, and what kind we're getting. Much to my surprise, we decided against Konditormeister (which was originally my top choice) and went with Montilio's instead. While the K-meister had some mighty fine cake to offer, the customer service was meh, and the designs weren't really speaking to me. At Montilio's, the service was great, and the designs were more suited to my taste. And the flavor of the samples just knocked my socks off.Tomorrow morning,I'll make the call, and cross one more thing off the "to-do"list. Yay! Current Mood: good (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 27th, 2006
12:05 am	A wild and crazy girl Congratulate me, as I have just taken the category of "boring people" to a new low. I decided that the way to compensate for my ass-suckingly bad xmas was a little retail therapy. And what did I buy? A grammar handbook. While I also snagged a copy of Chuck Klosterman's latest book, I actually bought myself a new grammar handbook as a treat. I should have bought myself a dictionary, so I could look up the meaning of "fun." Current Mood: blah (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 21st, 2006
3:54 pm	After nearly two months of not attending yoga, I went to a class last night and I am so glad that I did. I feel like last night's class was the first step in a restorative process. This semester sucked a lot out of me, and had a lot of negative effects on both my body and my mind. But in starting to take care of my body and trying to learn to quiet my mind, I already feel noticeably better. The general plan (for winter break) is to try and attend as many yoga classes as I feel like; when I was going to class 2-3 three times a week I felt great, and that feeling is something I'd like to recapture. My aim is to build a feeling of calmness(or the equivalent of calm for me) and general well being before returning to the grind. Current Mood: better than before (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 14th, 2006
11:27 pm	Ah, dammit! It looks like I may have wasted my time in trying to get that article ready for submission. I just re-checked the paper requirements, and now I'm afraid that my essay may not be long enough. The call only stated that essays should be no longer than about 3500 words, or 10-12 pages. Well, in what size font? As a paper in 12 point, I have about eleven pages. If I have to shrink it down, then I don't know how long it will be. I know that it's not 3500 words long, that's for sure. Since I'm writing this at the BSC library, I don't have my disk with me and can't check it out right away. I guess I'll have to shrink down the font tomorrow and see what happens. Current Mood: annoyed (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 9th, 2006
2:20 pm	Thank you bouton for sending me this. It was just what I needed! How to Become a Lapsed Catholic Quickly and Easily by Father Hal Stocker assumed public domain 1. STOP GOING TO CHURCH ON SUNDAYS. This is the quickest and most effective way to become a lapsed Catholic. Begin in your teenage years. Refuse to get up for Sunday morning Mass when your parents call. Roll over. Pull the covers over your head and scream that you aren't going, and that you're never going to go again. (Make sure you have another place to live!) 2. HAVE AN IDEOLOGICAL FIGHT WITH THE CHURCH. Pick out a ruling and find something wrong with it - pick a fight. (Abortion and contraception are currently topical). Study the issue *thoroughly*. Talk to your priest and *tell* him why you can no longer be a practicing Catholic "as a matter of conscience". Repeat what you've just told the priest to your friends at cocktail parties, to people on streetcorners, to your friends at the corner bar, and clerks at checkout counters. *Insist* that THIS is the reason you really left the Church - not that you really are not too crazy about confessing to your favorite sins, or that you have no intention of stopping a practice that the church feels is sinful, or that you resent the obligation to support your parish at more than the minimal level. 3. JOIN ANOTHER RELIGION. (Be careful not to REALLY join another religion - you'll just have another set of obligations to observe - but *act* like you have.) Tell everyone you have decided that Hinduism is older and more in tune with the Cosmos. (Check the church's rulings carefully, so you can get back in, in a hurry if the Second Coming looks imminent.) 4. BECOME AN AGNOSTIC. This is the intellectual approach. Deduce back to the first cause, then become incredibly confused. Cease attending all church functions (except Bingo, of course!) until you 'get the Faith'. After all, who could possibly criticize you for avoiding practices of which you are not fully 'convinced'? 5. LEARN TO DISLIKE A PRIEST. Remember one you loved, then compare him to this new guy, who talks too loud/soft, is too Italian/Polish/Irish, who never/always comes/goes to my/someone else's house for supper/dinner, who always/never stops to chat with people after Mass. Don't worry about having to go to the neighboring parish because you don't like this guy - you can learn to hate the neighboring priest also, just as easily. One of the easiest reasons to hate a priest is to accuse him of "always talking about money." EVERY pastor is wide open to this charge, and there will be nobody who will contradict you. 6. HAVE THE CHURCH REFUSE TO MARRY YOU. This is perhaps the easiest way - and it gives you full justification for number five (above) as a bonus. Pick out an atheist to marry, then attend PreCana conferences. Insist that you have no intention of raising your kids Catholic, but that they're going to be able to make up their own minds "when they get old enough". Then, tell the priests you intend to go at it like rabbits every chance you get, and that the only reason you want to get married in the Church in the first place is to please your mother. Storm out in a huff when they tell you you will need some counseling before your wedding banns are published. Needless to say, any of the above will provide an ample opportunity to lapse as a Catholic. Multiples (or even all) will allow a much more convincing justification for the so-inclined. It is particularly effective to run one into another and so cover the entire gamut, leaving practically no defenses whatever against arguments to the contrary. When presented with an objection to any single of the above-listed methods, simply switch the grounds until your listeners tire of trying to get you to commit yourself in public Current Mood: amused (Comment on this)
Monday, June 19th, 2006
8:38 pm	During my family's traditional Fathers' Day lunch and a movie outing, the strangest thing happened to me: I was the recipient of a haunted soda. About half way through our lunch, I took a sip, and placed the glass back on the table. The glass then proceeded to slide down the table for several inches of its own free will. No one touched it, and I did not push the glass in any way. Somehow or other, it must have slid down the table on the moisture that dripped off the glass, but I prefer to think that I consumed a haunted beverage...Maybe I should have asked to keep the glass so pollenfan and his ghost hunting colleagues could examine it. :-) As of today, I gave myself the challenge of stepping up my gym routine. I usually go to yoga twice a week, but I have decided that yoga alone is not enough to rid me of my teacher arms. (You know what I’m talking about girls.) So I’ve added several stations on my gym’s nautilus circuit to my routine. Nothing major, just some work on my arms, legs, and midsection. I’m hoping to have the stamina to do this either before or after every yoga session. Either way, I should be in better shape by the Fall, when I’ll have to scale back on the time I can spend on working out. Consider the Lobster: David Foster Wallace did, and now Whole Foods has. Last week, WF announced that they will no longer be selling live lobster in their stores, as they have decided that it is inhumane to sell live animals for slaughter. So three cheers for you, Whole Foods! (Of course, they’ll still be selling pre-cooked lobster along with their other meats, but life isn’t perfect.) Why is it that no good concerts (meaning concerts that I would want to go to) are coming to the area this Summer? Over the past few weeks, I’ve been doing some work on my French (like I said I would), but haven’t been doing enough work. I don’t have anything but wedding related crap on my agenda this Summer; why can’t I get motivated? At least the work I have done has shown me that I haven’t forgotten quite as much as I had feared. I’ve still got a decent handle on my vocabulary, and my conjugation skills are coming back to life. So by the end of the Summer I should be ready to take my foreign language exam and not make a fool of myself. Current Mood: good (10 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 7th, 2005
9:28 pm	My mood feels very appropriate for December 7th, because I fell as if I've just had a bomb dropped on me. I was in a pretty good mood earlier, as I had written six pages for my Film Theory paper. However, I was tad concerned as I was in doubt as to whether I had enough material for a 10-12 page paper. My concer has now turned to terror as I have just realized that the paper for this class is actually supposed to be 12-15 pages in length.Yikes! This means that I have to now add back in an aspect of the paper that I had dropped when I thought that it would make the paper too long. I also have to go back and re-work everything I've written in order to include this new material. I know, I know...Boo freakin' hoo! But I am trying not to spaz out, as the paper is due in one week, and I have an extrememly slow writing process. Let's not even talk about my other paper or impending take home exam...The only bright spot in this mess is that I might not have to drive all the way to BSC tomorrow just to use the library -- if I can get online from my Aunt's computer and print the articles there I can save a hell of a lot of time. Current Mood: distressed (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 20th, 2005
4:33 pm	The Movie Of Your Life Is A Cult Classic Quirky, offbeat, and even a little campy - your life appeals to a select few. But if someone's obsessed with you, look out! Your fans are downright freaky. Your best movie matches: Office Space, Showgirls, The Big Lebowski If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be? Current Mood: tired (Comment on this)
Saturday, November 12th, 2005
8:21 pm	King Haku Wants you! I know this is a bit last minute, but spread the word, as we'll audition stragglers too. ***AUDITION NOTICE *** Greetings, King Haku is looking for more merry jesters to join his weekly improvisational comedy troupe! WHO: King Haku's Jesters - New Bedford Improv group which performs every Sunday night WHEN: This Sunday November 13th at 5:00 PM WHERE: Gallery X - 169 William St. New Bedford, MA WHAT: Auditions will consist of improvised scene performances WHY: King Haku demands more comedy! Any questions? Email - kinghakusjesters@yahoo.com Thanks, The Jesters of His Royal Majesty King Haku Current Mood: tired (Comment on this)